Do you ever have those moments of clarity when you realize you’re hopelessly flawed? It’s like the blue screen of death for a computer, but it’s your life. And you’ve got to drag yourself through therapy, the self-help section, or a great dive bar to get over the initial shock and reboot into repair mode.

I was that kid who cried at the end of the school year because I was going to miss my teacher over the summer. Same goes for any sort of change in regards to coaches. I loved my swim coaches. When one became pregnant and could no longer cheer my chubby little speedo’ed ass down the lane for two hours each afternoon, I was distraught. How could she leave? When my minister was reassigned to another church my freshman year of high school, I apparently wrote him a note saying I’d be in his congregation again one day. His wife recently found it and we chuckled at the sentimentality. I drive 40 miles each Sunday to be in fellowship with him.

This characteristic is mostly a good one. I’m a committed friend; I don’t just want to know how you are feeling, I want to know why you are feeling this way. I get invested easily. Ask Salty Senor — his family sweetly jokes that I’m his life coach. This is great for those who want an over-the-top friend or girlfriend, and horrific when they just want someone with a normal interest level. When I decide to give, I give everything I’ve got.

On the flip side, this leaves me raw when someone overnight decides to walk away — whether it is a best friend, a boyfriend, a family member. There are times when this has happened and I felt wronged. Anger let me easily walk the other direction too; there is simply nothing left to say.

That list is short and not so sweet.

The other — of those who I still care for but am not in communication — is much larger. These names make my head hurt and I find myself bummed out at the strangest of times.

I love to love. It stinks when it doesn’t jive. This is especially a bad combo for a self-described Type A girl who likes things just so. Then again, maybe it is better to miss those who were once in our life than to not feel anything at all.

~K

Remember that begonia my grandma gave me? The one her father gave her mother when they were dating that some how still exists today? My clipping last six months or so before I managed to nuke it. My mom’s? Now a bush on their patio.

My mom can make just about anything thrive and grow. She’s the type to find a $.75 plant on the clearance rack at the grocery store and turn it into a state fair winning hybrid. Seriously. Her garden is so pretty, especially this time of year. She’s got a dozen different plants blooming, not to mention the variety of houseplants I found her watering and coddling.

She is very nurturing, including the love she shows for The Favorite Child.
Exhibit A:

Dharma, the family pooch, has her own wall quilt/hanging. I have to say, it is pretty cute. I love the batiks and the fact my mom added little “D” dog tags.

Dharma does a LOT of howling, so this is pretty appropriate.

And if I haven’t mentioned, my mom is a quilting machine.

These are a few of the hundred-plus quilts she just has hanging around their house. She is always working on at least two quilts and now seems to find time to help her girlfriends with their projects too.

I am not sure what it is about applique, but I love how delicate this quilt is. I’ve admired it for years and have a feeling it is soon coming my way. Yahoo! I had plans of hijacking her serger and canning supplies, but alas — they would not fit in my luggage. Instead I just dropped lots of hints about how nice it would be to have some canning supplies. And a serger.

Subtle, I know.

~K

Yep. Hook ‘em horns crosses and tie-dyed T-shirts (not to mention the “back door friends” sign — what?), but not a beefy Mateo in sight.

~K

Live in Phoenix and love ice cream? Me too. If you are in the neighborhood, consider a new shop that my friends just opened: Sweet Republic. They are an incredible duo with an even sweeter love story. You can read the details, or just swing through for a scoop and ask them about it. They specialize in odd flavors, including bacon. Adam, did you read that? Ice cream AND bacon. It might be your version of heaven.

Phoenicians itching for something cultural and fabulous to do this weekend should consider the Eye Lounge downtown on Friday. Sam — you writing this down? As our resident weekend activity coordinator for sweet things to do in central Phoenix, this certainly needs to be added to the agenda. My friend Eliza is opening her new exhibit of photographs and they are stunning. You won’t regret stopping in to see her great work. And when in the neighborhood, Conspire Coffee Shop has a rad collection of vintage T-shirts.

Have a scoop and get the scoop for me. I’m off to the Lone Star state for some family time.

Yip-e-i-o-kyay!
~K

Currently making me happy:

Gardening class. I love this group. It is so fun to get together and learn and be able to ask 30 Phoenicians from all different walks of life about their experiences in working with the earth. My goal is to have a fantastic Fall garden this time next year. I’m envisioning the purchase of a small home in early 2009 and slowly transforming a tiny plot in back where I’ll grow gourds, garlic, corn, beans and melons. This new book from the library used book store is providing fuel to the garden fire.

Correspondence. Not news that I love paper, envelopes, good pens, friends who share their handwriting secrets, labels, stamps, and new Paper-Source catalogs. I am dreaming of pretty new labels for Thanksgiving cards — little notes telling family and friends why I am thankful for them. Abundance of gratitude is a good thing; so is great mail.

The Ya Yas, who are my fierce coven of sisters. They know my dreams and when I’ve made a silly decision or invested too much; they don’t hold back. When someone has “crossed the Kevin FederLine,” they are quick to point it out and help me regain focus. (How awesome is that line? KFed. Oh, man it makes me giggle.) So blessed by these girls and their families.

My folks. I’m thrilled to be headed their way next week for a reboot. Four days in Texas will certainly mean lots of movie and book time with my papa, sewing with Mom, walking with Dharma, the super pooch, and BBQ. Oh, Rudy’s here I come.

Matt, my fun roomie who is adding a new layer of humor to my small home. He is adorable and his observations of American life are not getting old. We went to happy hour last night and after a dozen bourbons, I thought my sides were going to split or we were going to be asked to leave. (I had running bright and early this morning and stuck to my my old sidekick DC. Stone cold sober, it was silly funny.)

Short hair. The weather is finally cooling and it is gorgeous in Phoenix today. However, riding my bike around town without a wet ponytail? Icing on the cake.

Saturday afternoons including bikes, a boy, burgers and beer. Giddyup.

Making me not so happy:

Six jars of flopped jam. The jam came out incredibly grainy and very sugary. Any ideas on what went wrong? Good thing the bread recipe is tried and true. Hopefully the recipients will just throw on some extra butter to mask the jam craziness. Martie, you failed me on this recipe.

~k

I promise this is my last prickly pear post for a bit. I used the remaining prickly pear tunas last night for the latest Jars of Renewal project: syrup! Great in margaritas, other mixed drinks and even on pancakes. Yum.

To local gardeners, a reminder that tomorrow’s veggie class series at the Phoenix Farmer’s Market is worth the drive and $10. I’m thinking a big bowl of oatmeal at Matt’s beforehand is just what the happy hippie ordered.

Happy Friday friends!
Kelli

When I recently read about this Chihuly exhibit in Glendale, I was overjoyed. Chihuly has been one of my favorite artists for years; I was once able to visit his museum in Tacoma and take a craft class at his workshop. There is something about the colors he uses and how delicate & hard his work is. It’s contrasting in a thousand ways. Plus, like Frida, he is quite the character.

“The Sun and Moon” was commissioned for the Foothills Library in Glendale for $200,000. It includes 1,123 individual pieces and took more than a year to construct. It took three days just to hang.

I can’t do justice describing how stunning this chandelier is. Dee and I stood around photographing it yesterday afternoon with our jaws slack. If you are in Arizona, it is worth the drive to see for yourself.

~K

Prickly Pear Jelly is a success. That said? Canning is a much smarter hobby to take up during the WINTER.

Ingredients:
8 - 10 prickly pears, washed and sliced crosswise
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup lime juice
1 package fruit pectin
5 cups sugar
Zest of 1 lime

Directions:
Place the fruit in a saucepan with the water. Bring to a simmer, then cover and cook for 20 to 30 minutes.

Mash the fruit and pour mixture into a cheesecloth or jelly bag. Allow juice to stand for at least 1 hour until sediment settles to the bottom. Discard the pulp, pour off the clear liquid and reserve, and discard the cloudy sediment.

Combine the prickly pear liquid, lime juice, and pectin in a saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat, stirring constantly. Add the sugar and lime zest. Bring to a rolling boil, stirring constantly for 2 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat, skim, pour into sterilized jars, and seal.

Source: Martha Stewart, via my friend Diane.

~K

Butternut squash lasagna for the boys — step by step in photos.

My house guests are providing me with hours of thoughtful conversation. They’ve just returned from a quick road trip to Las Vegas. Considering one lives in Malawi (one of the world’s highest birthrates and lowest life expectancies) and the other Australia (by way of Zimbabwe) — I knew a journey to Sin City would create a cultural commotion. I tried gently forewarning them — I think Las Vegas is a ton of fun for about 48 hours and then it becomes the city of everything wrong with humanity. They were shocked by the excess and awed by the lights, architecture and the water show at the Bellagio.

Jim wanted to know where all the water comes for the pools, resorts and golf courses? I laughed. Um, the Colorado River? I don’t know. I do know that water rights in this area of the US are a big deal and we are not nearly as respectful of our environmental limitations as we should be. His son Matt wanted to know how much the burlesque dancers make a night? I asked calmly, “Well, how much did you pay for the show? How much did you tip her? How many girls were there? Do the division.” They blushed and I realized that you can take the man out of Africa but he’s still a man. Generous cleavage in little dresses apparently have international appeal. Who knew?

It has been fun listening to their questions about this culture, home, nation. After visiting the grocery, Jim quickly determined the source of American obesity: too many choices. He wanted to know why we needed 45 types of sliced bread? Why would it require an entire aisle? Again, I didn’t have any answers. He said you should just go and get a loaf of bread and not have to sit an analyze a thousand options. It’s sensory overload. He might be on to something.

They have both decided that golf courses in Arizona are fabulous, the roads are even better and it is obnoxiously hot here this time of year. Indeed. I think we’ve become equally entranced with each other as dinner company. They enjoy what I’ve been cooking and I’m loving the company. I’ll be sad when they go.

And yes, other than the roasting of the veggies, this is certainly the easy way out when making lasagna. If I’d wanted to really knock their socks off, I would have made Finny’s Fabulous Sauce.

~K

Living in the present can be a challenge for me. I’m always working toward something and need to take more time to enjoy the moment at hand. Being present, enjoying the journey and not just the result, is a new practice. (Ha! A new goal. Oh, I’m hopeless.)

I have read and re-read your visions for the future; unexpectedly, they’ve given me so much to smile about. Your words are a sweet reward for being honest about my dreams. Thank you again. I love that many of you are wishing for babies, traveling, going to school and being perfectly content with who/where/how you are are right this moment. You have much to teach me about living in the present.

In that thought, a few current observations:

~ An ugly downside to waking up early to workout during the week is that when I should be sound asleep, enjoying a lazy Sunday morning, I’m blogging at 6 am. You know you are up too early when one of your first thoughts is, “Can I nap today?” Why yes, yes I can.

~ I rode Ruby 30 miles yesterday and am walking like a cowboy today. It was worth it. Being on my tri bike reminded me how much I love to ride distance. Scooting around town on Olive is much more comfortable, but nothing in comparison to clipping in, pushing through heart-racing mile after mile and being truly disappointed when hitting a yellow light and having to break the ride. I think my city rides are making me a more comfortable cyclist in general. I wasn’t nearly as nervous yesterday. While I can still hear the thud of hitting that damn sign — my body hasn’t entirely recovered still a year later — it feels good to just get back on the bike.

~That veggie class I took yesterday made me wish I’d studied horticulture. It also made me realize there is only so much I can do with my limited space and tiny condo. I’m going to plant a few container veggies this Fall with the hopes of planting their offspring in a lovely garden in a nice Tempe backyard next Spring. Have you heard of sunken beds in lieu of raised beds? Apparently the way to go when trying to grow veggies in an oven. Phoenicians, if you are looking for a sweet gardening blog, check this out. Also, the local Urban Gardening movement is rad. (If anyone is interested, I’ll share the details of what I learned yesterday. It was the first in four classes I’m taking this month in designing a successful veggie garden in Phoenix.)

~The documentary Axe in the Attic? Really bad. Watching it in a tiny art studio in downtown Phoenix with 50 other local movie folk? Really hip. Being eaten by bugs in a hot, stuffy art studio while watching a movie about Louisiana? Interactive.

~Other downtown Phoenix loves from the weekend: Blue cheese and malbec at Cheuvront, vintage Ts at Conspire, Kim’s margaritas at Mi Patio.

Loving the present,

~K